Living in Fear
by Misunderstood427
Summary: A half vampire half human girl is trying to find refuge in Forks after running from her father's former love for seven years now. Will she find peace here? Or will she continue to live in fear?
1. The First Encounter

The rain came down heavy but I didn't feel a thing. I was moving so fast, faster than I ever had in the seven years of my vampire life. Finally I stumbled into a field of flowers. I felt like I was in a dream until I came crashing down, tripping over my own feet. Why had the human side of me decide to kick in right then? I wanted to scream but I had to accept my fate. She was going to kill me so I might as well find peace with myself before I died.

I felt her cold hands pick me up and throw me across the field. My body smacked into a tree, my back felt instant pain. I looked up to see her face and her red eyes shot daggers at me.

"Scream for help." She hissed at me. The gorgeous vampire found pleasure in my pain.

"I've accepted my fate. I knew you were going to kill me for seven years now." My voice didn't even tremble; I didn't want to satisfy her with my fear.

"There has to be a reason why you came to Forks to accept your fate." A sly grin crossed her face.

"I thought I would find help here. Terrence was wrong though, nobody here is going to help me." I spoke loudly, a final plea for the coven that was supposedly living here to find me.

She raised her hand, ready to attack me when suddenly she wasn't in front of me. I looked from side to side wondering where she had gone. I stood up slowly and cautiously, I decided I was going to give her a fight. She appeared in front of me once again, her smile was evil and maniacal.

"Ready to die?" She said happily as she quickly pinned me to the tree. I wanted to fight back with every fiber in my body, but I couldn't find a way out so I screamed.

I knew the coven that existed here had heard me now because suddenly I wasn't pinned to the tree. A vampire and her were wrestling on the ground. I heard a voice yell from a short distance across the field, "Don't kill her, Emmett!" I looked to see a blond male rushing fast toward the vampire who was on the ground pinning her there.

"Why not, Carlisle?" The vampire, Emmett as I have learned, hissed as he spoke.

"If we kill her, the Volturi will, more than likely, come to us to punish us. She's an important vampire in their world." The blond vampire, Carlisle, said as he pushed Emmett off of her and helped her up. She glared down at Emmett and smiled at Carlisle.

"Hello, old friend. So you're the reason why she is running here for help. Terrence must have told her she would find friends in Forks." She smiled politely at Carlisle.

"Emily, it's a pleasure to see you again. How is Terrence? And why are you after this interesting girl?" I suppose he was talking about me when he spoke of an interesting girl. Emmett walked over to me, but I didn't notice. My eyes were glued to her, waiting for her ranting story she gives everyone when they ask about Terrence.

"My partner, Terrence, has been killed," A pause, "by me. He betrayed me and had an affair with a human. He ran away from me for seven years and I always wondered why. When we finally crossed paths a girl, who looked about seventeen, was with him. Seven years I had cried to myself, wondering why my love had left me. Seven years I wondered alone trying to find my love. And to my dismay he had a child, a half vampire, with him. That thing over there, I'm trying to kill it. She is against vampire laws, she's a demon. She must die a painful death."

That was her story, she told everyone. At least she didn't lie about Terrence being killed by her. She told the truth, Terrence, also known as my father, had run away from Emily for seven years. And I could sympathize with her pain. And maybe I was a demon like she told everyone. And like everyone she told, she expected them to go with her side and not even listen to my side of the story.

This time it would be different though. "My name is Catalin! I am not a demon; I am a half vampire and a half human creation. I have feelings, I breathe, and I have a heartbeat. My father knew you were going to kill him the moment you found him. So he lived in fear and it passed off to me. Every day of my existence I have feared you and the Volturi. If you were to just let me go you wouldn't be in any trouble with the Volturi. I rather face them then be chased everywhere by you. My father was a good man, he wanted a child. He wanted to raise me with you! But when he had the affair he realized you would never let it go. He taught me to feed off of animals like a kind coven in Forks, Washington. He taught me right from wrong, and now all I want to do is live without fearing you." Tears rushed down my face and my knees got weak. I was tired of running, I hadn't eaten or fed on blood in days. The last thing I saw was her face, looking at me with kind eyes for once. Then everything went black and I fell to the ground.


	2. Finding the Strength

"I think we should keep her!"

"She's not a pet, Alice."

"She's a girl who has had to run for seven years now."

"I think we should welcome her to our coven."

"Are you crazy? The Volturi already hate us! If they know we are housing this thing then they will have all the reason they need to kill us."

"Hey guys…"

"She's not a thing, Rosalie."

"Guys…"

"I thought calling her a thing would be better then calling her a demon."

"Guys! She's awake and she can hear everything we are saying."

It was true, I was awake. I could hear everything they were saying about me. I wanted to yell at this Rosalie girl, but I didn't have enough strength to even open my eyes.

I heard a familiar voice, Carlisle, "Hey, Catalin. You're deprived of energy, huh? I figured you would be. I talked to Emily and she has been chasing after you so much she said you probably haven't eaten. I don't know if you need actual food or blood. Just think about what you need. Edward can read minds. You don't have to talk or anything. I can answer any questions you have later, but first we need to fix your health."

I thought about it and decided I need both food and blood.

"What a strange thing, she needs both. Let's get her a salad with blood as the dressing." Edward said in a dead serious voice, "and now she is thinking about it and she says that actually might be good. I don't know how she is going to eat though. She's really out of energy, her thoughts are coming slowly and unsteadily."

I heard another voice, the one that stuck up for me when Rosalie called me a thing, "I think the smell of blood will give her enough strength, that's how it works with vampires. Does the same rule still apply to half human vampires? I wish we knew more about your kind, darling." Her voice was so soft and kind. I had never heard anyone speak to me like this. Nobody but my dad was ever nice to me.

"Let's try it, it might just work." Carlisle said, suddenly I heard doors shutting and footsteps going around faster and faster. They were moving around trying to get me some food. Suddenly I smelled it, human blood on a salad. My thoughts screamed, I had never had human blood before and I wasn't sure if I wanted it, but the smell was so intoxicating. It was like a drug that I had to have to live, a forbidden fruit that my father taught me to never have.

Edward laughed and said to Carlisle, "She's never had human blood before. Her thoughts are going crazy, she's unsure if she wants it. Her father has taught her only to drink blood of animals. No wonder her father told her to find us if she was in trouble."

"Yes, that and her father was a very close friend of mine. Terrence Grove, one of the oldest vampires in history. He was a very kind man who hated feeding off of humans. He often just stole blood from hospitals until I found out that animals were satisfying." A hint of sadness hid underneath Carlisle's words. I didn't know that Carlisle was the inventor of animal feeding.

"You should still eat this," the sweet voice came again, "it will give you enough strength. Trust me, human blood will give you more strength then animal blood. And it will be really hard to preserve animal blood long enough to give it to you." She held the food close to me, I could tell because the sent was so strong. I felt myself sit up and my eyes open slowly. I wish I knew what I was doing, but it was an out of body experience. I think I was eating the salad but my mind was somewhere else. I couldn't tell who I was when suddenly I could see everything. It was like coming out of a tunnel, everything was dark until I was at the end. I looked down at my hands and there was an empty bowl, I looked up to see eight vampires around me.

"She lives!" Emmett said excitedly. He came and sat down by me and continued, "You past out so fast in the clearing. It was terrifying to see a vampire pass out! That was a new experience!" He laughed and I did too. To these people I must be very odd.

Carlisle bent down in front of me and checked my eyes and then my pulse, "I don't know what your pulse is supposed to be. You're just so different, it's like your body didn't transform all the way when you become a vampire. Except you were born like this!"

"I have a feeling I am going to become like an experiment to you, huh?" I said softly. Everyone suddenly looked at me more intently, it's like they didn't expect me to talk. "Will you all introduce yourself, please? I am really interested to know more about this coven. My father told me there were only three of you, but I see eight!"

They all went around a circle, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Bella. Esme was the sweet one who talked so nicely to me. I think I liked her best out of the eight.

"I guess it is my turn to introduce myself and explain to you exactly what I am."

And just as I was getting started I smelt the most interesting thing, it smelt almost like a wet dog. And as I was noticing this smell all attention was turned from me to outside.

"I knew they were going to be our first problem with welcoming a new member to our coven," Carlisle said. "Catalin, don't be scared. We just share this town with a wolf pack."

How was I supposed to not be scared? Emily, the Volturi, and now a wolf pack. I felt myself tremble with fear. Esme looked at me with eyes so soft and comforting and so she sat beside me. She stroked my hair and said in the kindest voice, "Nothing will harm you."


	3. The Captivating Boy

The rain was still falling outside. As the vampires stood silently, waiting for someone to talk or take action, I could hear it drumming. My heart pounded in time with the rain and I felt like screaming to end the silence. The tension in the room grew thicker by the second and it was suffocating me.

Finally a sharp voice barked from outside, "Come out here. We need to have a chat, dear Cullen family!" I heard whispers from the other wolves, some saying that Sam shouldn't be making the demands. Jacob was in charge now, the voices said.

As everyone moved out to greet the wolves I stayed sitting with Esme, who wrapped her arms around me. "They won't hurt you. They are just worried because they might of overheard Emily and Carlisle talking about you and negotiating."

"Can you tell me more about that, Esme, the negotiating? What is that? Is Emily dead?" I had so many questions that I wanted answered right now. Wolf pack outside or not, I needed to know why I was given the privilege of living.

"Carlisle said that we would take care of you, which means to find you a coven or keep you. You would have no filiations with Emily at all. That way the Volturi would not blame her for anything. She called you a demon several times and talked about how you could destroy a town. The wolves are protective over this town and if they hear about a vampire, who could destroy the town, then their job is to kill the vampire." Esme's arms wrapped tighter around me as she spoke. I could sense her fear that I could, possibly, destroy this town.

"I read about the baby vampires, the ones that two vampires would have together. I read about the evil they possessed. I am not one of those vampires who crave blood every second and who can destroy a whole entire town. I cannot and I do not have the desire too." I wanted to reassure my new motherly figure that I was not evil.

Esme and I had stopped listening to the conversation outside while we had spoken, but when I finished there was a distinctive growl. Emmett and a wolf were having a fight verbally when suddenly they stopped talking and Rosalie started yelling, "She's a demon and you wolves can have her."

I heard the house door open and Esme grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the couch. She quickly stood in front of me, I realized then Rosalie was coming to get me.

"Out of the way, Esme. We don't want to start a fight between our groups. We should just give the girl to them to dispose of, that way we all win." Rosalie's eyes were dark and frightening, but Esme didn't budge.

"She's a human. She has a heart beat! Did you hear that wolves? She has a heart beat! She is a sweet little girl who doesn't deserve to die." Esme was protecting me and even though it was so kind I had to wonder why. I was a girl she hadn't met until today. I'm a creature that is nothing like her kind and yet, she was standing up to her family to protect me.

"Enough," I said and stepped out from Esme, "I don't want to start a fight. You are family and I am just a creature. I will not tear apart a family because of my existence." I walked past Rosalie, who had an evil smirk on her face. She was obviously glad that she had won this battle.

I walked outside to see the wolves standing all around in human form. I thought it would be kind to introduce myself, "I am the demon they speak of," I had planned to continue when a handsome man caught my eye. He blended in with the pack, tall with dark hair. Yet his eyes were the most captivating and I felt like world had switched off the gravity. I didn't hear or see anything but his eyes that protruded into my soul.

"Who are you?" I felt my mouth form the words slowly. I felt as if I was in a dream where everything was going slow. My world was suddenly pink and happy, bright and cheerful. No one existed besides the two of us and he knew I was talking to him and him alone. I wondered if he felt the same connection. Could our hearts beat as one? Was that possible?

"I'm Jacob Black."

**For anyone who is upset, if anybody is reading this, that I have chosen Jacob as her love interest, I am so sorry. I am NOT a Jacob fan, or at least a big one, I wanted her to have an interesting love. I could have picked any werewolf, but I decided I wanted to try and capture Jacob's character. And I am trying to focus this piece more about Catalin and her trying to find inner peace with herself. This isn't going to be all about Jacob, it's going to be a lot about Esme and her love for Catalin and Catalin finding this coven as her family. So don't stop reading just because she has fallen for Jacob. Please and thank you!**


	4. A Shattered Heart

"I'm Jacob Black." Three words that lifted my spirits and caused all my fears to temporarily disappear. Jacob Black. A name I would never forget for as long as I lived.

My cloud of dismay soon disappeared when I heard a groan from the whole entire pack.

"Great. Now we can't destroy the demand." I heard one of the wolves grumble.

The pack all looked at each other and decided to leave without saying another word, either they were ashamed or they were frustrated. They could be both, but I didn't care about them. The last to leave was Jacob, who stayed with his eyes fixated on me.

Suddenly he asked me, "Now tell me your name."

"Catalin." I responded simply. A slight grin grew across his face, it was crooked and it leaned more to the left side. I heard him say my name, ever so softly, as he walked away.

The Cullens started walking back into the house, I looked up at the rain and wondered if this was fate. Was I supposed to be chased all the way to Forks just so I could meet him? I looked back at the house and wondered if they really wanted me to join their coven. I guess I was going to have to go inside and see.

As I walked up the steps and opened the door I could hear them arguing even louder then I could outside in the rain. Rosalie was yelling about how I was a demon and Edward was arguing that Esme already made up her mind and Carlisle was going to stand by her. They were upstairs on a different level and I decided I wanted to stay downstairs. I turned to see my reflection in the mirror. My perfect skin didn't have a single scratch on it, my dark strawberry blonde hair still held its perfect curls that went half way down to my waist. My plain long sleeved green shirt had cuts and mud all over it though. How come I looked perfect when on the inside I looked just like my green shirt? I am torn apart and ugly just like this shirt.

A tear trickled down my face as I focused more intently on myself in the mirror, suddenly the mirror shook and fell off the wall. Glass pieces shattered everywhere as I dropped to my knees on the glass. Pieces stuck into my knees and some little bits had come up and scratch me. Blood trickled down from my arm and knees but the tears on my face came down faster. I didn't hear Carlisle or Esme yell my name and I didn't feel Emmett grabbing me and removing me from the broken glass. All I felt was the pain and emptiness of being a demon.

"She can bleed!" Alice spoke with complete shock in her voice. That was what snapped me out of my trance, I looked around and saw Emmett was holding me and was about to sit me down on the kitchen counter.

"Yes I do. I also heal fast, I'll be okay in a minute." I spoke, trying to reassure the shocked faces. I didn't realize I was still crying until Esme wiped away a few of my tears with a napkin.

"It doesn't matter if you heal fast if your body is trying to heal while glass shards are in you. I need to remove them." He spoke in a very doctor and professional manner as he began to inspect my cuts and remove piece after piece. About ten minutes later all the pieces had been removed and I was healing at a rapid rate.

"Why don't you go out for a walk while we talk? I think it really shook you up to hear all of us arguing, huh?" Esme spoke so kindly to me. I looked up at her eyes filled with grief, she could tell I was hurting and she couldn't stand it.

I gave a simple nod and headed out the door and ran up to the forest, now I was healed and found no pain in running. All I wanted was to escape from all the arguing that my presence has created. I wanted to scream and curl up into a ball and cry. Was I never going to find a home? Even if I lived here somebody was going to hate me. Most likely it would be Rosalie but it could also be Jasper or Edward. They hadn't said anything on the matter of me staying.

Finally I had reached a point to where I could no longer hear them arguing. I put my back against a tree and fell to the ground. I cradled my legs up to my chest and began to cry harder than before. I was a demon who only created problems wherever she went. My hair covered me and my face so I could not see the outside world.

I was shocked when I felt something brush up against me and push my hair out of the way. I looked up to see a wolf standing in front of me. He was a mixture of white, brown, and a dark blue, almost black, color. He wasn't Jacob, I could tell by his eyes, but he did seem to feel my pain. He whimpered slightly and I began to pet him.

"You are a kind little wolf. I didn't expect any of you to be kind to a thing like me." I stroke him softly when suddenly he flicked my hand off of him. He began to walk away but looked behind him, he seemed to want me to follow. So I stood up slowly and asked if he really did want me to follow. He turned to face me and he nodded his head a bit before he began to walk away.

Deeper into the woods we had gone when suddenly he stopped, through a thicket of shrubs I could see Jacob and the only girl of the pack. They didn't see me, so I stood and listened to their conversation.

"So here we are again. We have started our own pack again. I guess Sam didn't like how you imprinted on a half vampire girl. But don't worry Jake, Seth and I will always be willing to take your side. Just like when Bella was trying to become a vampire. We will protect the girl with you." It was almost like she was trying to reassure herself, summing up the situation like she did. People often repeated what just happened in their lives to help it settle in.

"Our packs are going to hate each other again and there is going to be fighting. They can't hurt her though, they wouldn't do that. They just aren't convinced yet that she isn't a demon." Jacob spoke like he knew me and who I am. But he didn't know that I actually could be a demon. The other pack had every right to want to kill me.

Then it hit me, I was tearing about two groups, the Cullens and the wolves. My very existence was the source of contention and hatred. My father taught me to never fight, he taught me hatred was the enemy of man and vampires alike.

It couldn't take it, I looked down at the wolf, I believe he was Seth, and I said to him, "I can't do this anymore, bye Seth."

And with that I ran. I ran as fast as I could because I was getting out of this town.


	5. Live On

It seemed so fast because in the last five hours not only had I gotten rid of my enemy, gained a family, and fell in love, I also had lost a family and could never be with the one I think I loved. I never felt more lost then I did right now. The forest flashed by my face and I finally I let out a scream before I dropped to my knees. Within these last five hours I just wanted to hear my voice and scream at the top of my lungs. I held it in though, like a good little girl I was supposed to be. But I couldn't handle it anymore so I screamed and screamed and let it all out. I curled into a ball and wondered what was wrong with me?

"If I lied here I would die eventually. I'm half human so that means I can die of starvation, right? Just let me die. I can no longer live on with my existence in this world. My father told me I was one of a kind and I would live to be a jewel in someone's eye. He told me that I didn't need to fear anyone or thing because I was strong. Well look at me now dad," I sprawled out on the ground and looked up at the sky that rained continuously, "I'm talking to you father. I know you are up there and not down in Hell. You were a good man no matter what the others say. You taught me so much and I can't take it. Was mom officially diagnosed with depression before she had me? Maybe this is just a trait that she passed on. You always did say I had her looks."

A locket dangled from my neck, it was circular and fit in the palm of my hand. It had a butterfly carved into the front. I took it off my neck and looked in it to remind myself of what my mother looked like. She looked just like me except not so pale. I realized the corner of the picture was coming up so I pulled it out of the locket and saw an inscription behind it, "Live on." It said. I stared at it and wondered why it was even their and what it meant. Then I realized that my mother had a really hard life, my father told me stories, and she had struggled with depression and being a twin that nobody noticed. Her closest friends came up with two words that helped her through everything, but my father never knew what the two words were.

And as I lied on the ground I had to think of reasons why I was so strung up about everything. "Why are they putting their lives at risk for me? Why do I care?" Questions flew through my mind and I felt like my life was a little too dramatic for me. I wanted to die and I didn't care about anybody, I was turning into a stereotypical teenager. "My father always told me about stereotypes and stories about them. I guess the human side of me is turning into one."

I thought I had been talking to myself this whole time, I was ignorant of the world around me, until Esme stepped out from the trees and leaned over me. "You're a silly little girl, you know? So many questions and so much pain going through such a small body." She held out her hand for me to take.

I reached up and grabbed her hand and she helped me stand. Once I was on my feet she embraced me in a hug and she whispered in my ear, "Live on." Some tears dripped down my cheek and she brushed them away as she took my hand and started walking with me.

"You know you remind me of my friend's daughter. She was so sweet and beautiful like you. My friend died and I took care of her for a long time before she left to go and find herself. I learned a week before I was turned into a vampire that she had died. She killed herself because she couldn't take the pressure. I always wished I could save a life and take care of a girl who seemed so lost, just like her. And then you came along and I guess it may seem like I'm using you. I like to think of it as fate and life is giving me another chance." She smiled at me and squeezed my hand tighter.

Now a stereotypical teen would take offence at this and react in a manner that would hurt Esme. I believed in fate and destiny though, and I believed I found Esme for a reason. So I planned to live on.


End file.
